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Drawing from the well

I’m struggling, God.
I’ve put in my training
the good runs and the bad
the soaked to the skin days
the roasting in the heat ones
the heavy-legged wading through treacle
or flying as if on winged shoes.

Sometimes I wonder why I do this
why I punish my body
when I could curl up at home
with a good book.

But then I think back
to those feelings
of crossing the finish line
with jubilation and relief;
of peace and tranquility 
in the midst of a training session.
Of the sense of ‘me time’
or ‘You time’
and praying for those residents whose houses I run past.
I remember the days
when I didn’t think I could finish
but you knew
you were there
and somehow I did.

It’s more than a positive mental attitude
or a growth mindset.
Though I know 
that those who say ‘I can’t do it’
and those who say ‘I can do it’
are generally both proved right.

It’s realising that
the hard times aren’t as hard with you
and aren’t as hard the next time
And slowly
little by little
I grow 
and develop
into someone
who remembers my training
remembers your faithfulness
draws from the well
and keeps going
in the strength of your mighty arm
the right hand of the Most High

Psalm 77: 1-20 (NIVUK)

1 I cried out to God for help;
    I cried out to God to hear me.
2 When I was in distress, I sought the Lord;
    at night I stretched out untiring hands,
    and I would not be comforted.

3 I remembered you, God, and I groaned;
    I meditated, and my spirit grew faint.
4 You kept my eyes from closing;
    I was too troubled to speak.
5 I thought about the former days,
    the years of long ago;
6 I remembered my songs in the night.
    My heart meditated and my spirit asked:

7 ‘Will the Lord reject for ever?
    Will he never show his favour again?
8 Has his unfailing love vanished for ever?
    Has his promise failed for all time?
9 Has God forgotten to be merciful?
    Has he in anger withheld his compassion?’

10 Then I thought, ‘To this I will appeal:
    the years when the Most High stretched out his right hand.
11 I will remember the deeds of the Lord;
    yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
12 I will consider all your works
    and meditate on all your mighty deeds.’

13 Your ways, God, are holy.
    What god is as great as our God?
14 You are the God who performs miracles;
    you display your power among the peoples.
15 With your mighty arm you redeemed your people,
    the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

16 The waters saw you, God,
    the waters saw you and writhed;
    the very depths were convulsed.
17 The clouds poured down water,
    the heavens resounded with thunder;
    your arrows flashed back and forth.
18 Your thunder was heard in the whirlwind,
    your lightning lit up the world;
    the earth trembled and quaked.
19 Your path led through the sea,
    your way through the mighty waters,
    though your footprints were not seen.

20 You led your people like a flock
    by the hand of Moses and Aaron.

 
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