The pain of my past sins

March 22, 2021 0 1

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Jeremiah 31: 31-34 (NIV)

31 “The days are coming,” declares the Lord,
    “when I will make a new covenant
with the people of Israel
    and with the people of Judah.
32 It will not be like the covenant
    I made with their ancestors
when I took them by the hand
    to lead them out of Egypt,
because they broke my covenant,
    though I was a husband to them,”
declares the Lord.
33 “This is the covenant I will make with the people of Israel
    after that time,” declares the Lord.
“I will put my law in their minds
    and write it on their hearts.
I will be their God,
    and they will be my people.
34 No longer will they teach their neighbor,
    or say to one another, ‘Know the Lord,’
because they will all know me,
    from the least of them to the greatest,”
declares the Lord.
“For I will forgive their wickedness
    and will remember their sins no more.”

I know in my head that I’m forgiven, but I remember these certain moments where I know that I sinned. There are specific moments from childhood that I vividly remember, which started me on the path of habitual sins.

I remember the lighting in the room. I remember the smell of the room. I remember the pace of my racing heart. I remember the guilt. And I remember the obsession with wanting to do it again.

I also remember moments that I never recognised as sin until I was so much older. A systemic kind of sin; being wrapped up in the evil ways of the world; but it never felt wrong.

We didn’t play with the kid from up the street. We always had reasons why, like he wasn’t fun to play with, or he’d ruin the game. But, it’s really that we were racist. We didn’t think it was weird or strange that the teachers were always yelling at him, or always blamed him. 

We thought he deserved it, and we should not play with him.

I remember breaking the covenant.

But God does not.

He forgives and forgets, because of the pain of the cross.  

The way I feel, the pain of the memory of my sin, of our collective sin, was on Christ while he hung. While He hung painfully from nails in his wrists and feet for hours. Pulling and pushing on his wounds for each breath while splinters of the wooden cross scraped at his scourged back. That was the price of being God’s people.
 
PRAYER:
 
Dear Jesus, you endured pain to establish a covenant with us. An unbreakable bond that can forgive sins; that can unite people to yourself and others. May we be relieved of the guilt of our sins, and may we be empowered with courage to face the pain of sin in our lives, and for our neighbours’ sake.