Genesis 32: 22-32 (NRSVA)
22 The same night he got up and took his two wives, his two maids, and his eleven children, and crossed the ford of the Jabbok. 23 He took them and sent them across the stream, and likewise everything that he had. 24 Jacob was left alone; and a man wrestled with him until daybreak. 25 When the man saw that he did not prevail against Jacob, he struck him on the hip socket; and Jacob’s hip was put out of joint as he wrestled with him. 26 Then he said, ‘Let me go, for the day is breaking.’ But Jacob said, ‘I will not let you go, unless you bless me.’ 27 So he said to him, ‘What is your name?’ And he said, ‘Jacob.’ 28 Then the man said, ‘You shall no longer be called Jacob, but Israel, for you have striven with God and with humans, and have prevailed.’ 29 Then Jacob asked him, ‘Please tell me your name.’ But he said, ‘Why is it that you ask my name?’ And there he blessed him. 30 So Jacob called the place Peniel, saying, ‘For I have seen God face to face, and yet my life is preserved.’ 31 The sun rose upon him as he passed Penuel, limping because of his hip. 32 Therefore to this day the Israelites do not eat the thigh muscle that is on the hip socket, because he struck Jacob on the hip socket at the thigh muscle.
Many of us have found ourselves in Jacob’s position, wrestling with God.
I found myself in that very position a few weeks ago.
I had a choice to make from two options. The first I knew was God inspired but would take courage. It would mean putting myself out there and be open to big changes within my life.The stumbling block was I doubted myself, was I up to the task?
The second option was familiar, something I knew I was good at, I was comfortable with.
For a week I wrestled with the decision, thinking about were best I could use my gifts.
And then...it hit me! Or more likely God hit me. He hit me a smacker! I realised this wasn’t about what I wanted but what God wanted. Could I in good conscience live with myself if I went against God’s calling?
And the blows didn’t stop there! No! I realised that I did want to follow God’s calling, go where he was leading me but it was MY self doubt that was holding me back. It wasn’t the second option I really wanted but the safety and comfort it provided.
This wrestling match with me and God has left me bruised but like Jacob I want to mark it because I wasn’t really fighting God but myself. This was the battle God helped me overcome.
Lord God Almighty
You desire a whole-hearted relationship with each of us.
Help us to be honest with ourselves.
Help us to live with integrity.
And give us courage to follow you.