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Inner Conflict/Inner Peace

I don’t know about you, but I have lived for most of my adult life in a state of constant conflict with myself. The voice in my head that tells me I’m NOT clever enough, I’m NOT talented enough, I’m NOT kind enough, I’m NOT thin enough, I’m NOT good enough, I’m just not…enough.

The voice that tells me:
“Why would anyone ever listen to YOU?”
“Why would they like YOU?”
“How can YOU possibly make a difference?”

This insecurity has not just led to conflict in myself but to conflict with others as I have mistrusted their intentions and motives. It has caused me to reject life-enhancing opportunities. If I am not enough what can they possibly want from me? It is only through the Grace of God and his love that I’m now starting to accept myself, realising that I AM enough and using the gifts HE has given me.

Isaiah’s vision of God’s gift of peace is overwhelmingly powerful and beautiful:

“He shall judge between the nations,
    and shall arbitrate for many peoples;
they shall beat their swords into ploughshares,
    and their spears into pruning hooks;
nation shall not lift up sword against nation,
    neither shall they learn war anymore.”

But when your own inner personal world is in conflict, Isaiah’s vision seems like an impossible dream. I think to get to the point where Isaiah’s vision can become a reality we have to allow God to bring peace to our own conflicted hearts. We have to be open to accepting his gift of Grace and seeing ourselves as he intended,

“I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
    Wonderful are your works;
that I know very well,” (see Psalm 139: 14).

God made you uniquely. He didn’t make any mistakes, but custom designed each of his with his plan in mind.

So, I am enough. You are enough.

 

PRAYER:

Father God,

Allow your Grace to penetrate deep within me,
bringing peace to my conflicted heart. 

Help me to see myself as you see me. 

Build a wall Father, that protects me, 
and drowns out that voice of self-doubt, shame and guilt.

Fill me with your peace Lord, 
so that I can be your peace within this world. 

Isaiah 2: 1-5 (NRSVA)

1 The word that Isaiah son of Amoz saw concerning Judah and Jerusalem.

2 In days to come
    the mountain of the Lord’s house
shall be established as the highest of the mountains,
    and shall be raised above the hills;
all the nations shall stream to it.
3     Many peoples shall come and say,
‘Come, let us go up to the mountain of the Lord,
    to the house of the God of Jacob;
that he may teach us his ways
    and that we may walk in his paths.’
For out of Zion shall go forth instruction,
    and the word of the Lord from Jerusalem.
4 He shall judge between the nations,
    and shall arbitrate for many peoples;
they shall beat their swords into ploughshares,
    and their spears into pruning-hooks;
nation shall not lift up sword against nation,
    neither shall they learn war any more.

5 O house of Jacob,
    come, let us walk
    in the light of the Lord!

 
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