Amanda MacQuarrie, minister of Bo’Ness Old Parish Church, writes about calling and vocation, the complicated experience of feeling led to do something, with all the doubt, excitement, and longing that is bundled up with it.
You saw me first!
Saw me and knew me!
Willed me to come, even before I saw you, even before I knew you, even before my life had turned around,
You had a plan for me and you invited me to journey with you.
My mind says whoa! Slow down a minute. But my heart leaps within me and shouts yes!
If only my head weren’t so doubtful, cautious, sensible…
One who saw you, all of you.
And summed you up even before you saw him;
Knew the measure of you inside and out; saw the thoughts in your head, the hurts you keep hidden, the longings in your heart.
Saw them and counted them along with the number of hairs on your head… Even before you had thought to say hello!
What would you say to Him?
What would you do as He walked towards you?
Picture him now,
Coming towards you,
Sitting beside you…
Turn to him and tell him your thoughts…
He doesn’t need big words, or even full sentences…
Lord, thank you that you see me, care about me, love me, hear me.
Open my ears to hear your call,
Open my eyes to see where you lead,
And give me the courage to follow. Amen.
You called and I heard.
And the word heard is Love.
You loved me first, and so now…
If I follow where you lead, then I too must love, as you have loved me – love without counting the cost.
But what does that mean?
What does that look like in life today? In my life today?
I love my family, my friends, my neighbours. I give to the foodbank, I support charities…
But is that it, or does it mean more?
To lay down my life, my plans?
And to follow you…
And not just to give what is safe, comfortable, affordable…
But to offer everything.
To give even from those areas of my life where there isn’t much left in the tank, or where I guard what there is for myself?
To love those who hurt me?
To give more of my time… not just in passing, but to see, as you see…
And to be as you are – present.
With. Alongside. Dwelling in and among. Not off on my own agenda, but being present to yours…
Following your call is hard.
Sometimes you lead us where we find it hard to go,
And sometimes you ask us to let go of the things that we hold most tightly to. Give me the courage that I need today to trust you,
To enable me to loosen my grip, even just a little, on my life.
And to be open to where you are leading me. Amen.
#consequences #decision #giving #recognition #affirmation #uncanny